Category Archives: Teachings

Nettles and Nips~Brambles and Breezes~Blowing, Breaking and Binding

My Breakfast nook view, with flowers from outside my cabin
My Breakfast Nook view, with flowers from outside my cabin, and some brambles in the background!

My fingers sting from the nettles I collected. The nettles grow everywhere here, like the grass and the blackberries and the miscellaneous brambles. My definition of a bramble is:

a combination of berry vines of some kind, nettles, other twisty plants or wild roses with thorns and, of course, mischievous faery folk

There are a lot of brambles hereabouts. I was very careful with the nettles. I know they are good food, really good food. They can be eaten if you cook them or dry them. To get them to that place, first you have to cut and prepare them, which means you will be stung, some, even if you are wearing gloves and long sleeves, at some point the nettle will collect her payment, either when you harvest her or when you prepare her for eating.

This is as it should be.

“The Universe is a Green Dragon,” by Brian Swimme is a book I read that was given to me by a nun, named Dolores, who was a sociology teacher at Humboldt State University. The book is a beginning physics primer. It is physics for those just beginning on the journey of wondering about how the universe dances and how energies move about in that dance. In that lovely tiny, thin, little book is a discourse about how everything has a cost or energy signature.

There is no VOID or something without nothing. All things have a cost so to speak. It is not about how many coins you deposit in the hand of the vendor, but just that even if you do not see the vendor, or the hand, or if you think plants don’t have feelings, or you cannot see the energetic signature of violence; they are all still there, the invisible hand waiting for your coin, the plant saying, okay, you want me, here is the cost.

Now, those nettles were free, kind of. I’m on retreat in Ireland. I paid money that I saved up for ten years to be here for three months in this cabin with electricity, a view of green trees, grass, brambles (replete with Fey Folk), clouds that move across the sky so fast that the words fickle and fey must originate here. This means the weather changes every ten minutes or so. It’s been sunny and glorious about ten times today, but it’s also poured rain, been fiendishly windy and amazingly quiet and calm. Anyway, back to the nettles, which I didn’t pay anyone for with cash.

The View when the sun isn't shining, which is most of the time, but I get to watch the clouds roll by and it's magnificent!
The View when the sun isn’t shining, which is most of the time, but I get to watch the clouds roll by and it’s magnificent!

Eating right, eating what is handy and nearby is a way of life for me. It’s not really optional at this point. I just gravitate towards what is local and at hand, like a magnet. This is, of course, with one very important exception; SPICES! I need them like a plant needs water and sun (see my previous post Hadi the Honeyed One and Lovely Lorena). In my defense, I think spices provide essential nutrients and vitamins, but that’s a stretch. They just make my life better and so besides spices, eating what is at hand or within my bio-region feels best.

Once I gathered the nettles, then I put them in a large bucket of cold water, stems and all, for their first soak. I wasn’t sure when they would stop stinging. I know they don’t sting once they are cooked, but it has been many years since I prepared them and I did so with either Aleta or Jolie Egert Elan of Go Wild Consulting, my herbalist and botanist beloveds, who made it look simple. Maybe they have some kind of agreement with the nettles and never get stung, but I think they actually also have mentioned getting stung. Now the sting of a nettle is a small thing, it’s like a tiny zing. It isn’t terrible, just piquant, sort of like something spicy! It does stay with you for a bit. It will remind you of its presence, the sting, every once in a while, like the feeling you get when your foot falls asleep, just every now and then a little zing.

So, after the first soak, I prepared another container of water. I picked up the nettles with a teaspoon strainer, you know the kind that clips open and shut and you put tea leaves in bulk inside of it. I am in this cabin, named after Clare of Assisi (for the Beloved Companion and Nun who was close with St. Francis of Assisi). In my lovely cabin, there are cooking utensils, but not like my kitchen at home. I couldn’t find any tong-like implements in my drawers, so I used the teaspoon grabbing one stem at a time out of the first bucket and holding it over the second. I then used the scissors with my right hand and clipped the individual leaves into the water for their second rinse. I wasn’t sure if the stems were edible.

I am without the internet in my cabin named after St. Clare. I am so grateful for this fact. I have lots of books here but didn’t think to bring my herb books, a mistake. I sent my Tanakh and my Tikkun and my library of beloved teachers on subjects Jewish and my Hebrew dictionaries and my prayer books. I forgot that I would be living in a wood, where the bible you need is a book about herbs and flowers.

Getting ready for Shabbat
Getting ready for Shabbat

There is a large library at the main house and I can borrow a book about herbs from there, but the morning when I decided to gather the nettles, I hadn’t yet realized I needed that information and so didn’t have the book on hand. So, I experimented with my nettles and I knew the leaves were good to eat, so clip, clip, and clip into the water they went. I did not get stung at all during this improvised tong/teaspoon scissors adventure.

In case you are wondering, which you probably aren’t, why I didn’t just use the gloves I used initially to harvest them with to do this part of the work? Well they were the ugly, dirty, really old gardening gloves that I found in the peat-fuel box and they are definitely OUTSIDE only kind of gloves. So, back to nettle land. Since I could not use the nasty gloves and I needed to cut up the nettles, or thought I did, before cooking them, I strained them by pouring the whole container of water out over the strainer I put in the sink. In this way, I never had to touch those tricky nettles.

Then, since I wasn’t sure if just washing them well would have made them less stingery (a new Nicole word), I put my hand in the pile of clean wet leaves to test their sting factor—now you know why my fingers are pulsing a little from the nettle-bites (kind of like tiny nips or bites from a lover). Oooh, that makes me miss my beloved!

My Bedroom Window with cards from my beloved and a view of brambles leading down to my small steady and musical stream (now that the brambles have been cleared enough for me to get there!)
My bedroom window with cards from my beloved and a view of some trees and brambles leading down to my small, steady and very musical stream (now that the brambles have been cleared enough for me to get there!)

So, having ascertained that a good rinsing and de-stemming does not in fact render nettles mute, I realized I’d need some kind of protection between self and nettles for cutting. What’s the best protection? A condom, or in the kitchen at a Catholic hermitage cabin named after St. Clare; something made of plastic, like a plastic bag. So, I put my hands in double plastic sacks, having clearly resolved that one batch of nettle-bites was quite enough for the day, double protection seemed prudent.

I then chopped up the nettles and put them in the pan with a little water, covered them and cooked them for five minutes. They were a deep dark green, luscious, delicious and no longer venomous. I tested them with my fingers first, before eating them, no sting whatsoever. I put a little olive oil, salt and lemon on them and enjoyed them with the rest of the meal I had prepared, which took one tenth the effort to make. I feasted on the local fare and then took a much deserved-nap. The morning of bramble wrestling (I’m slowly clearing a path down to the stream outside my bedroom window), nettle preparing and even some morning stretches in the field above my cabin when the sun was shining for ten minutes straight made for one tired jubilant me.

I’m now going to go paint and write some letters from my window seat here in Clare where I can see the weather, the fickle and fey, weather whooshing by without getting wet. Later, if it gets too cold, I’ll make a fire with PEAT, just as has been done here for thousands of years. The pictures I’ve put up here were from a different day, when it was Friday afternoon/early evening almost Shabbat. I put them here to give you all an idea of my surroundings. Binding myself to the sun and the weather, not to a clock and a schedule, has been and is tremendous for me. I feel old patterns breaking away and am bonding with this place, the movements of cloud, mist, sun, bird and rain. The flowers and the brambles and everything around me offering lessons and companionship. It is magnificent here!

Shabbat Sun in Window, not quite time to light candles, but very soon!
Shabbat Sun in Window, not quite time to light candles, but very soon!

The Unruly Mystic and Unruly Me

Illumination above by Hildegard of Bingen: Cultivating the Cosmic Tree
Illumination above by Hildegard of Bingen: Cultivating the Cosmic Tree

A few days ago I watched my friend Michael Conti’s film, The Unruly Mystic. The film is about his spiritual journey and his exploration of the life of Saint Hildegard of Bingen. I first learned about Hildegard from my botanist friend Jolie Egert Elan of Go Wild Consulting. Jolie is definitely an unruly herbal mystic. I guess I am one also, unruly in all kinds of directions.

It turns out Micheal, Jolie and I, we’re in good company.

The film was beautiful, well-done and lyrical, full of Saint Hildegard’s music and works. She was an extraordinary woman who composed music, wrote books, liturgy and healed people. She was a doctor of the church, like Thomas of Aquinas. She confronted emperors and popes and battled illness and injustices. She confronted and challenged the flawed ideas of her time about self-abuse and harm as paths to the Divine. She rejected the ideas of the body as evil and hatred of the body. She challenged people to engage with the Divine within and around us. She preached to armies, begging them to lay down their swords. She was in a relationship with Holiness, calling to her, moving through her, engaging and directing her and she heeded that call. Michael’s film shows us all of this through the people alive today who study her and engage with her and also through the vehicle of his own searching. It’s very moving.

Unruly Mystic
Michael Conti, the director and Producer of the Unruly Mystic, and I meeting up to exchange hugs and his lovely film.

Saint Hildegard left a legacy of herbal remedies and writings about how stones, herbs, meditation and minerals can heal us. In Michael’s film we visit an institute in Germany which uses her techniques to heal people. We go around the world connecting with mystics, spiritual directors and seekers of all faiths, healers, curanderos, priests, professors, philosophers, nuns, monks, musicians and artists. Hildegard is often thought of today as the patron Saint of Creativity. She created many vibrant mandalas that are full of her visions. They are vivid, real, stunning and powerful.

In today’s era, heeding the call of the Divine, is still thought of as crazy or radical. It’s never really a safe thing to pay attention to the other side, to the call of the wild, the earth, the angels, the Holy (however you conceive of that or connect to it). Once you listen, really listen, there are oceans full of energy, voices, and information. It can actually make you a little “nuts.”  Not paying attention though, is truly dangerous. With our world full of mess, suffering, climate change and violence, the only way through into what Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche calls Enlightened Society, is to wake up and listen and start making a connection with the basic essential goodness of who we are. Once we do that we can move towards repair and mending and healing of the world around us. We can embody Tikkun Olam.

So, being called unruly, makes sense, once you are able to hear the call of the Wild and Powerful Divine within, then you have to figure out how to translate that. If your message is true, it will survive naysayers, wars, eons, folks who cannot relate and it will come into the greater world. Hildegard of Bingen was hearing voices, healing, and channeling what she experienced in the Middle Ages.

Lerman, K. (02-15-95). The Life and Works of Hildegard von Bingen . Retrieved from http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/med/hildegarde.asp

The films and books about her to date are numerous and she continues to emerge all the time. Michael’s film brings her into our time and connects us with her works, her songs and music and a whole world of people following her teachings, and most importantly, keeping her alive here and now. The film, the Unruly Mystic, is a great homage to her, but also a call to all of us, to listen, to still ourselves and to heed the call of our souls and whatever unruly messages exist therein.

Michael lovingly called me an “original unruly mystic,” which I think is high praise. When I graduated from Boulder High in 1982, I was voted “most original individual” and “most radical.” I had to choose one of those and I think I chose to keep “most original.” I’m certainly also a radical.

My radicalism today, if you don’t scratch deep, is harder to see. I’ve been happily married for 26 years, have children and a grand-child, drive a Prius and attend religious services. Doesn’t sound too radical. Scratch a little deeper and you find a lot more going on.

My call, like Hildegard’s, is very personal and private at this time. I need to sequester myself, much like a nun, and indeed I am venturing into the Carmelite Monastic world, to find the quiet I crave to hear the Voice of Holiness within and without (in the stones, hills, rivers, mists, green growing beings and in the connection between my feet and the earth without pavement or roadway or power-lines to interrupt the feeling between myself and the planet). That’s a little more unruly! Especially since I’m a very Jewish extrovert.

One of my radical actions is the engagement with multiple faith traditions. I’m very married and in covenant with the Jewishly Divine Presence in this world. I live and practice actively as a Jewish woman. Connecting with Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Carmelites, Quakers, Native Tribal Peoples and all the various iterations of Holiness, is the only way that makes sense to me. I have no desire to be right or make someone follow a tradition that doesn’t resonate for them.

When we all reject the out-dated and dangerous model of separation and recognize that we are all one GIANT family of folks who connect to Holiness in our own personal ways everything gets luminous and wondrous. One should never assert that there is only ONE way to connect. The idea that anyone has to follow a tradition that doesn’t resonate for them is a little like preferring cucumbers over carrots and asserting that one is better than the other. Both are great vegetables, neither one is the ONLY TRUE VEGETABLE. Put them together with some other lovely greens and voila, we have a wonderful salad, Yippee, my favorite thing; a great salad.

My current unruly act is to go off the grid, to reject the noise, volume of information, media and violence in the world and to take some space and time to rejuvenate, reinvent and reconsider my path on this earth. I am doing this alone without my husband, my friends, my teachers or my family. I am not alone though. I journey with Hildegard, with Rabbi Zalman of Blessed memory, with Reb Nachman of Breslov, with all the angels and other beings who inhabit my life. As I cross the ocean and move into the territory I will be traversing for my coming adventure, I cannot say what will be unfolding and that is tremendous for me and those who love me.

My next actual landings will be in England, France and Ireland. Who knows what opportunities, voices, mystics, saints, and traditions will be calling me from there. It’s for sure they won’t be calling me on my cell-phone.

May you find your own path towards your inner unruly soul and may it infuse your life with great meaning, value and depth and lead you into connection with all beings and into awakened love and life.

“Holy Spirit, giving life to all life, moving all creatures, root of all things, washing them clean, wiping out their mistakes, healing their wounds, you are our true life: luminous, wonderful, awakening the heart from its ancient sleep.”

– Hildegard of Bingen

Illumination above by Hildegard of Bingen: Cultivating the Cosmic Tree
Illumination above by Hildegard of Bingen: Cultivating the Cosmic Tree

Shalom Aleichem, So Long, and Fare Ye Well

My soon to be new home
My soon to be new home

I’m off to play with the wild things!

In less than two months I will leave Arcata for my great big adventure. my solo sabbatical. I’m headed to the green hills of ancient Tara, to Ireland. I’ll be staying in a hermitage cabin by myself that is part of a community dedicated to solitude, silence and communion with nature and the Divine in contemplation. They allow folks of all faiths or no specific faith to spend time in their hermitage cabins, after determining if the person applying is someone who will work for them and their process, and this wild and wacky crazy Jewish woman, somehow made the grade. The fey folk and I go way back.

So, now I am moving through the hundreds of things that have to get done before I depart for this time away. There will be no phone and no internet in my small stone cottage. I will have a bed, a desk, a wood stove, a small cooking space, a bathroom and electricity to work my computer. I’ll be cooking my own meals with food provided for me from the gardens of the land I’ll be on. I’ll be sitting quietly on moss, swimming in cold rivers or lochs, walking to the beach and exploring the green, misted and very mellow and unpopulated countryside. I’ll be praying and writing and sleeping, resting, studying Torah, meditating, playing with watercolors and sleeping more!

My soon to be view from the desk, where I will be writing, writing, writing!
My soon to be view from the desk, where I will be writing, writing, writing!

The last many years of my life, over thirty actively parenting children and years before that taking care of other people’s children and all the community work I’ve done, wherever I’ve lived, has taken a toll. I need a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng break. My tradition encourages us to attend to the Sabbath, every week, every year and every seven cycles of seven. Those of you who have followed my meanderings on these pages and perhaps also on my website/blog www.ohohands.com, know that I am in my Jubilee year. It’s time for me to get away and survive on the fruits of the last fifty years of my living and serving on this planet.

All leave-takings have an aura, a whisper of forever in them…

I am lingering in my hugs with folks. I’m weeping often. Here, at my desk, thinking about being away from my most beloved husband it is hard. As I prepare to go away from my lovely home, incredible and magnificent husband (yes, I’m repeating myself, because I am over the moon about this man, still, after 26 years) my children, community, and family, I am feeling the pain of loss. One never knows what will transpire when one goes on a sojourn away from family, community and friends. Who I am is always unfolding and changing, as it should be for all of us. I am not running away from all those I love with glee, I am clearly and consciously taking my leave of them for a time. It’s not easy or simple.

In March, in the pouring rain off of Lanphere road, as we all shivered and cried along with the sky, I led a memorial service for a local man who died suddenly in the arms of his beloved. He was in good health, had just started a new business and gotten a clean bill of health from his doctors. His children, friends, former partners and wives all were in a state of devastation and shock. There is no way to prepare for someone’s leaving in this kind of way.

As a friend of mine, who is a cardiologist, said to me upon hearing this story: “Sometimes the first sign of a problem is called sudden death.” Sudden death, is not something we get to come back from. I’m not planning on a “sudden death,” none of us are, but it can and does happen at the drop of a hat, at any moment.

In Pirkei Avot (Sayings/Teachings of the Elders) a book that compiles the wisdom of the elders of the Great Assembly, which contains sayings attributed to sages from (200 BCE) to shortly after (200 CE), it says: “Repent one day before you die.” This is a flawed English translation of very complex Hebrew. Teshuvah, which I’ve written about extensively in the past, doesn’t translate exactly as repent or repentance. Returning or reconnecting, or mending are more accurate and enriched meanings

Repentance, in and of itself, is a word with very strong connotations. I’m not opposed to the idea of repentance because it has much more meaning in Hebrew and it is an amalgam of the ideas mentioned already. Most folks in the groovy-new-age-be-mellow universe of non-adherence to responsibility or to strong ethical guidelines take issue with this idea. I’m not in that category. I believe in making amends and wrestling with wrong-doing and working hard to fix what I’ve broken or trying to get clear with someone I’ve hurt. So, I don’t mind the word repentance, but it triggers lots of people who are not religiously inclined and makes them reject, out of hand, a very important teaching.

How do any of us know which day is the day before we die?

We don’t.

Therefore, every day is the day to return to the path of goodness, wholeness, engagement with the Divine. Every day is the day to mend what we’ve broken, what we have destroyed or harmed. Every day is the day to reconnect with those we are fighting with or are distanced from. Every day is the day to say “I love you, you are precious to me.” There is no guarantee of tomorrow, there is only this moment and these hours and this opportunity for healing, connection, engagement and growth.

When we live our lives this way, we find grace and more importantly we create it.

As I say my farewells, I am endeavoring to be gracious and careful. But unfortunately I’ve messed up and been less than kind with friends, or not been as present or clear as I should have. Part of me is already gone. The Pirkei Avot teachings are the pillars in my life that make all the difference. They encourage me every day to be kind, clear and honest. So, even if I am erring, I am also continuously self-evaluating and working diligently to make things better.

Some troubles and issues are way too big or complex to fix or mend in one day.

I’ve been working on hard territory with people I love very much for long years. Teshuvah is a process, and even this longer-term kind of Teshuvah process will now have to move to another level, one that lives in my heart. All my work will be taking place beyond the mists, in a liminal, shrouded internal other place.

Part of my going away is about actively being free to engage with a completely different way of being, one that isn’t always tangible. I engage in prayer and practice every day for all those I love. It is my always practice to surround folks with light or see them laughing in joy or cuddling with a wished for companion, or resting in the wings of the healing angel Raphael. This will still be going on when I am away, but in a wholly deeper way.

Will those I love and who love me hear my prayers or know that they are being loved and cared for, even when they do not HEAR from me via email, letter, phone, or in person? If I’m not sending a care package, making soup for you or calling you to check in on you, does it mean I am no longer loving you? Of course not!

Being off the grid is something that I long for at this point. I’m crossing the ocean, and communication in physical form, will be on hold. Interactions that are coming from other realms will be ongoing and continuous for and from me. Will you hear me, when I say “I love you?” Will you feel the light, the healing and the hope curling around you? I hope so with all of my heart.

No longer engaged in giving birth or caring for children, no longer having the physical stamina to offer continuously as I have, what and how should I give to this planet, to those I love, to those in need. What is my offering as I go “over the hill?” Am I going to teach, pursue a Master’s degree in Religious Studies, or Judaism? Should I pursue becoming a rabbi? Should I open my own office of healing arts and “how to” lessons about connecting with the Divine within or “how to love” lessons? Am I supposed to write multiple books or continue to just do things as I have in the past with some modifications based on my physical reality? What really is the best way for me to serve going into the future?

I am dedicated, bound, completely and for all eternity to serving.

This is cellular for me and soul-deep. There is no reality I can imagine or want to be in where I won’t be endeavoring to find a way to serve. The question, as I age, is how to do that best? This is something I don’t have an answer for yet—and it is the ultimate reason I am venturing away from my life as it has been.

I am committed to having NO AGENDA or PLAN for my time away. I’m so done with both of those things, no “to do” lists and no forcing of myself into a space or time based on someone else’s needs. I am actively taking this brief moment of time between child-rearing and caring for elders in the coming years.

This time away is not just for me, even though it is a solitary time. This is hard for some folks to understand. My time away is about rest, yes and time away from doing, but it is also about finding out how the Holy One wants me to serve for the rest of my time on this earth.

I hope to find some of these answers in the moss, from the cool breezes, from my dreams in the ancient stone built cottage where I will be alone with just myself and the Divine. The body of my prayers in Hebrew and English and my tears, all my tears, these will be the Mishkan (sacred dwelling place created in the wilderness while the Jewish people ventured from Mitzrayim to the Holy Land). I will be creating and dwelling in this Mishkan built of my prayers, my years of working to make this happen, my kavannah (intention) and my desire. This Mishkan will also inform my process, being alone with just the Creator and the beauty of the creation around me will water the orchard in my soul. The hearth flames, the birds singing, the rolling green hills, the sound of the sea not too far off, these will be my companions and guides. I will wrap myself in my blue prayer shawl and call out to Ha-Shem and beg with all of my being for healing for this planet, for all those I love and know and for all those suffering on this spinning orb. May you feel the love for you that is in every dew drop, ray of sun, mossy knoll, and all of creation offering itself to you in every moment.

Byline is below from where this piece was originally published in the local paper where Nicole currently lives; The Mad River Union in two parts, on April 29, 2015 and May 6, 2015

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nicole writes her last column, for a time, from her Bayside desk. She will continue to write and may post updates on her blog www.ohohands.com.  No matter where she is physically located, she sends Love, Prayers for a Refuah Shelemah (a complete healing) and lots of wishes for Shalom/Salaam/Peace your way.

Name-Change, Game-Change ~ Embodied Relationship to Who We Have Been, Are and Will Be

Twino Princesses by Marjorie Feldman
Twin Princesses by Marjorie Feldman

Last Shabbat, I completed a process that started a year ago on Yom Kippur. I  changed my Hebrew name. A Hebrew name is normally given to a Jewish person, who lives in the diaspora, who will be known by most people, by a name that is more common for where they live. In Israel, and in Orthodox communities around the world, folks generally don’t have two names, but they often will have a Hebrew name and a nickname.

My parents were not practicing nor even remotely engaged with their Judaism at the time of my birth. They may not have even known about the tradition of Hebrew name giving since their childhoods were both not religious ones. Consequently, I was not given a Hebrew name.

When I first got involved with Judaism, in my 18th year of life, my Chai year I was given a name by my dear friend Kendra. The Hebrew word for life is Chai (pronounced like the word “Hi,” but with a guttural ch sound). In Hebrew all letters have a numeric value/meaning as well as their sound and spoken meaning. Chai equals 18, my conscious Jewish life began then.  Because every word is also a number, or a series of numbers. or a math equation, depending on how you want to look at it, there are folks who read the Torah as they would a complex calculus equation.

Hebrew_Chai_Symbol.svg

Kendra and I met at my high school graduation party, when some of the kids from the “other” high school showed up at my party. She and I pretty much fell in love, but neither of us was gay, so we fell into a profound friendship. I believe we are all on a continuum where our sexual feelings occur, some folks gravitate firmly towards one end of the spectrum. They are “H” heterosexual or homosexual, but some folks really are all over the spectrum. This is also true for gender identity, which is a separate thing from sexual identity.

As I write and meander down one stream about one thing, other rivulets of thought come through. Everything is connected to something else and linkages are always occurring that press themselves forward and insist that I share them.

Kendra and I became friends and were inseparable. She brought me into relationship with my Judaism and took me to my first Shabbat in Boulder, Colorado. I found home in the sounds of Hebrew, in the songs of my people and in their practices. This home wasn’t one I knew I’d been gone from, but the homecoming for me was tidal in proportion. All my searching and seeking for spiritual relationship prior to this time was done outside of Judaism. After connecting with Kendra, who I still call “my Jewish angel,” I was Jewishly “all in.”

I realized that a Hebrew name was necessary. It was used for all kinds of things in our practices and I didn’t have one. I asked my parents if they had given me one that I didn’t know of, but they hadn’t and had no ideas or engagement with this practice. My name for them was exactly as they wished it. Nicole Andrée Barchilon. The  Andrée part of my name was from my sister Paula Andree’s name. Since, she had died right before I was born (See More than One), giving me her name, or part of it, was a way of honoring and remembering her. My younger brother was subsequently named Paul. What’s interesting here is that even though my parents weren’t practicing Jews, they did a very Jewish thing. Naming their children after a relative who has crossed over.

They did not give any of their three children Hebrew names. So, I needed a Hebrew name and Kendra said she would meditate on it and find one for me. I cannot remember how long it took her, but it wasn’t an instant thing. She is a deeply spiritual woman and I trusted her process. She came to me with delight and joy in her heart and told me she had found my name. It was Shoshana Adama Cohen. Shoshana means wild rose, Adama is from the Hebrew word Adam, which is the first human’s name.

From Google Images
From Google Images

Every Hebrew word is linked by its root. Hebrew words come in root pairs of two or three letters that form their core structure. Any words that share roots, share meaning or are connected, even if the words have wildly different meanings. If they share a root, they are linked and it is our job to look at that, also if they share a numeric value.

The word Adam in Hebrew is a mother-lode of meaning: Rebbe Nachman of Bratzlav writers: “It is for this reason that man was called Adam: He is formed of adama, the dust of the physical, yet he can ascend above the material world through the use of his imagination and reach the level of prophecy.” The Hebrew word “I will imagine” is adameh, same consonants, same root, different vowels.

Because Hebrew is a consonantal language, the vowels are moveable and by switching them up, you change the meanings of the words. There are NO vowels in the written Torah, only strings of root pairs/consonants. So, you really can change things dramatically by the vowels. We know what the words are because the Torah is an oral tradition and has been passed down across time, it is an ancient thrumming song, the song of my people.

For Rebbe Nachman, the movement (within the same root structure) from adama to adameh is very significant.  Adamah is ground or earth, and it can also be read as adameh, “I will imagine.” Since the vowels are not part of the root pairings, it is the consonants that create the word and you can play with all the vowels.

Also, part of the word Adam is the Hebrew word Dam, which is the word for blood. So, Adam, the first being, who was the complete spectrum, male and female in one body (study your Torah folks!), was not the first MAN. Adam was the first joined being who was made of earth, blood and imagination. We are all ancestors of the first beings made of earth, blood and imagination. And the first task of the Adam was to NAME all of the creation.

All this explanation to say that my middle Hebrew name, Adama means a lot to me. The third part of my name Cohen (is actually my paternal grandfather Jaime/Chaim Cohen’s last name). I am a Cohen. In the Jewish tradition, this has weight, and the name links me to the tribe of the Kohanim (the priestly tribe). This also connects me back through history and time to my ancestors Moses/Moshe and his wife Zipporah. When my father came to this country, after escaping Nazi-occupied Morocco and joining the Free French Forces in WWII, he chose to take his mother’s maiden name, Barchilon, as his last name. (See It’s a Small World posting for more details on this).

My Kendra-given Hebrew name of Shoshana Adama Cohen has worked for the last 32 years. It is a beloved name. When you pray for someone, or they are called up to the Torah, you say their name and the names of their mother and father. When someone is sick, we pray in the name of their mother, when they have died, we switch to calling them by the name of their father. When someone has done Teshuvah/Return/Repented and made amends for a wrongdoing, they can change their name to indicate that they are no longer the person who made that mistake.

In the Reform and Renewal movements, we include both mother’s and father’s name for all things. I still mostly pray for people when they are sick, in the name of their mother and if I don’t know their mother’s name, if they are Jewish, I say their name and then bat (daughter) or ben (son) of Sarah (the wife of Abraham). If they are not Jewish, I say bat or ben Chavah (Eve, the more specifically female part of the Adam spectrum).

So, why am I changing my name? I’m not eliminating any of it, but I am adding onto it. As I move into the next phase of my life, I want a name that fits the next phase of who I am becoming. I want to create that space to flow into. I also am changing in lots of ways and feel like a different person. I want to shed the old dried skin parts of who I have been and embrace the self that is now emerging fully. And, last year at Yom Kippur, my rabbi Naomi Steinberg, encouraged us to think about choosing and taking on a Torah name. I had never thought about doing this, but once she planted the seed, I started dreaming and thinking about it.

My meditation brought me to the name Miriam.

From a program for Tof Miriam Shabbat: http://marlaleigh.com/jewish-programs-2/tof-miriam-shabbaton-programs/
From a program for Tof Miriam Shabbat: http://marlaleigh.com/jewish-programs-2/tof-miriam-shabbaton-programs/

Miriam, as Moses’ sister, could have been my great, great, great……great Aunt. I claim her as family and mentor. Miriam was a prophetess, a leader of her tribe. She was the one who encouraged and nudged her brother Moses to take his place and do the job he needed to do. She was a community activist and agitator. She was fierce and strong. She led the women in prayer and song and dance. She was responsible for water flowing from the desert to the people. As long as she lived, the wandering Jewish tribes had access to water. When she died, there was no more magical spring that bubbled up at her command. Moses, confronted by the thirsty and complaining throngs, in the midst of his grieving, gets water for the people, but he does so the wrong way, causing him to not be able to enter the “promised land.”

The wrong way is the violent way, the hitting the earth and rock way, versus the Miriam way of calling up the water from the underground spring, of singing to and with the earth. Miriam has always been my hero. She’s an older sister, she’s not shy or afraid. She knows what to do and how to do it. My Alpha, Alpha female self really relates to all the stories of her, and I’m a writ large bold kinda gal, so connecting with her for the next part of my life feels really right.

So, before I changed my name, I wanted to call or find Kendra, who I haven’t spoken to in many years. I found a phone number for her and she picked up the phone. We both broke into tears and started apologizing to each other for how long it had been. Then I said, let’s not apologize anymore, we obviously love each other, are connected forever. So, we left apologies behind and talked for a long time.

What is really funny, is that Kendra is in the process of changing her name! We really are twins on some level. I found this to be powerful and significant. She is moving into her new name and I am moving into mine. I had a little ceremony at Temple Beth El, where I am a Lay Leader. It was very sweet and felt so good.

I will now be known, among the tribes of Israel  when I am called to the Torah or for prayers of healing, as:

Miriam Shoshanah Adamah Cohen bat Channah v’Jacob

For the English spelling, I added the letter “H” to both Shoshana and Adama a few years ago. This was because in the Hebrew they end in the letter “Hey” which is one of the letters in the four letter Macro/Super/Ultimate name of the Divine.

When Avraham and Sarah became Jews, they changed and the Holy One changed their names from Avram and Sarai to Avraham and Sarah.

Hey

The Hey letter was put into their names connecting them with the Divine. It’s a big long name, my new name. I only need folks to call me that when they call me up to the Torah, or if they are praying for my well-being. I’m still happy here in the Nicole Zone. A new name is very exciting and I’m super excited for it. One last teaching on Hebrew and why it is so powerful for me. This passage by Marcia Falk is excerpted from The Book of Blessings: New Jewish Prayers for Daily Life, the Sabbath, and the New Moon Festival (Harper, 1996; Beacon, 1999). Copyright © 1996 by Marcia Lee Falk.”The Book of Blessings by Marcia Falk http://www.marciafalk.com/index.html:

“There is for me a plumbline that drops from the center of my being down to the beginning of my history. At one end, álef, at the other, taf. If human language is, in large measure, what gives us our humanity—allowing me to communicate with you, distinguishing us from other parts of creation—then Hebrew is sign and symbol of my particular human identity, giving me my home as a Jew. Although my first language is English, I cannot imagine myself without the millennia-old language of my people. When I was fifteen, visiting Israel for the first time, an Israeli asked me what was my “mother tongue,” my s’fat eym. English, I replied is my s’fat eym, but Hebrew is my s’fat dam—the language of my blood.”~ Marcia Falk

 

My s’fat dam is also Hebrew, everything about it calls to me and moves me and even writing these words makes a river of tears flow out of me. I have a BLOOD relationship to it, it runs through my very being. As I go into silence and stillness—my Jubilee retreat is only a few months away now, HEBREW is calling to me.

I want to swirl and sing and dance in it, alone, just me and my s’fat dam. I will be diving into the waters of Hebrew while I am away, working hard to move this language from the underground wellsprings in my being, up into my frontal lobe and language and reasoning centers. I want to read it fluently, I want to be able to look at the Torah or the Talmud and not just have aha moments, but have a continuous flow of delight, questioning and dialogue. As Miriam, I will be able to do that more. I can feel her presence supporting me on this journey and I hear her timbrel calling me to the dance.

Tohu Vavohu

Tohu Vavohu by Marjorie Feldman

 

 

Organizing Optimally, Nicole’s Outrageous Offerings on How to Navigate Large and Small Events

Pouring the Bubbly at a Rosh Hashanah Luncheon, which I organized for my Jubillee Birthday Celebration
Pouring the Bubbly or the Sparkling Apple-Cider at a Rosh Hashanah Luncheon, which I organized for my Jubillee Birthday Celebration, photo courtesy of Lorraine B. Miller-Wolf

1.     Do your homework: This means that you must approach any meeting or organizing you do from a place of knowledge and hopefully wisdom. It also means you are choosing to work as hard as you are and it isn’t on anyone else to do the same amount of work or to be as effective or extended as you are. This is your CHOICE. Just like with homework, if you are resourced well, you’ve slept and eaten and exercised and basically seen your therapist recently or done any number of things that you need to do for yourself, you will succeed and so will your event!

2.     Start at the End: Assign or find the folks who will be responsible for CLEANING-UP your event. Do this part early on in your process. I actually recommend getting this done as soon as you know the date and time of your event. When you are in charge of an event or care about it, you will be there early, you will be doing a hundred things, you will be EXHAUSTED by the time things need to get cleaned up. If you can’t find volunteers who will be in good spirits and energetic and capable to do this clean-up, HIRE someone! This is money well-spent, always.

3.     BE NICE: Expect that many things will go wrong, learn to breathe and be flexible and always BE NICE! Whatever your feelings are, no matter how valid they are, you will be remembered for your outbursts, rudeness and inappropriateness. So, try to get your anger out of the way before you organize people or communicate with large groups. People are more receptive to your agenda, your ideas and your visions when they aren’t being blasted with your (probably valid) feelings. This rule is for community organizing, not protest marches or confrontations with despots who need different approaches. Remember your community is your ally, not your enemy.

4.     DELEGATE: Get help and realize, at the same time, that if it matters to you, which it should, you will probably still do the lion’s share of the work. Do not expect other people to have your standards, your work ethic or your priorities. Be prepared to have everything stop happening if you decide to pull-out because you are overwhelmed or doing too much. Take it into consideration at the beginning of your organizing, so you don’t have to reach that place. Maybe you’ll get lucky!

5.    MONEY: You need Money, you need donations. Food is good! If you tempt people with goodies, they will come and partake. This means outreach in the community to get stuff donated for big events. This is where your presence as a nice person who people can count on is crucial. If you are a flake or unpleasant, people won’t be as interested in giving you money, stuff or time. This applies to getting musicians to donate their time as well.

6.     HUMILITY: Don’t be afraid to apologize or admit you are wrong. Community organizing means you are working with the community. Expect to learn something, to be challenged, to be confused or supported and recognize that the nature of community work is cooperative.

7.    BEING STRONG AND CLEAR WHEN YOU ARE IN CHARGE: Cooperative work requires humility but once that has been said and understood, if you don’t manage things well and take control when you should, things will either flop or get out of hand. So it behooves you to set clear agendas, have good facilitators and note-takers (this is especially important when issues are heated.)

8.    MEDIA: Media is crucial. Find out what you can get for free, there is lots of it, but all of it has deadlines and specific formats. This is the grunt work, if you can assign someone else this task, who will actually do it, great! If no one knows about your event or you don’t target the right places to advertise or alert, even if everything else is perfect, no one will be there to appreciate it!

9.    SLOW DOWN: Say less! Listen More! Slow Down! Please note, I am notoriously bad at all of these and have paid the price many times over for not following this advice. Being respectful of others is the best way to achieve your goals, no matter what is going on.

10.   YOU CAN’T DO IT ALL: Don’t try to tackle every issue. Find the category that really charges you. Some people are activated by the environment, some by social injustice, some by legal inequalities, some by police brutality, globalization etc… You will be more effective working where you have the most energy. All of these issues are interconnected though and there will be overlap.

11.   COMMUNITY: Use your community, involve yourself in where you live and work and you will find allies.

12.   BE ORGANIZED, (no kidding!): Develop a good filing system. Don’t laugh! This also applies to your computer data. Organize things in files and folders by date, organization, issue etc… If it takes you an hour to find the thingamajig that what’s his name gave you, you’ve just lost valuable time for no reason. Compile email lists and phone lists and keep them at the front of your folders so you can call what’s his name and actually remember who he is and get him to do the thing he promised. In this day and age, create a Google or other easy online Drive format and import all your contacts. Keep your contacts list current, delete old addresses/information. You don’t need 3,000 copies of your contacts. You need to have a back-up of them somewhere electronic, an online version and if you want to be very diligent a printout, so in case all computer related things stop (in a power outage for example) you can still hopefully reach folks you need to reach.

13.   REMINDERS: Remind everyone multiple times about meetings and events. I know it sounds like elementary school, but we’re all busy saving the world and one more meeting is easy to forget. I do this exclusively by email, which is unfair for all those who don’t use that system, but it is the only way I can manage to get it done quickly. If you are working with people who don’t have access to computers, you must develop phone-trees and quick post-card type reminders. Also, be early to all your meetings and endeavor to start things on time. If you care, you will always be there at the beginning and, usually be the last one to leave as well. (That’s the truth!)

14.   BE PLAYFUL OR PRAYERFUL: There is always time for a quick icebreaker activity/song or introduction circle with a brief one-word check-in or something like that. Help people arrive in the space by giving them a moment to be humans together in a room, before they tackle an issue or get down to doing a large job, this is what all coaches know, rev your team up before you send them out on the court, reassure them, remind them of why they are there and appreciate them.

15.   THANK YOUS: I endeavor to always personally write, yes, actually hand- write a note of thanks to the vendors who gave things, to anyone who really extended themselves, to your co-workers/co-leaders, to volunteers and to someone who always does things but never maybe gets a thank you. Believe me, the people you thank will remember that you sent them a thank you. This is not a minor step, just because it’s close to the end of the list. This can take two weeks or more to do, you don’t have to rush to do it, but if you were organized as you should have been, you will have the names and addresses of folks handy that you need to thank.

16.   BE NICE! I know I said that already. It just bears repeating. This is also related to “do your homework.” The more clarity you have as an individual, the more balanced you are, the more effective you will be in all that you do. When you are in the community, you are in the public eye. Your grace and intelligence will get you far, so develop them.

 

2014-09-26 17.03.20Breaking Bread Together at Temple Beth El, Eureka. Photo by Lorraine B. Miller-Wolf