Category Archives: Parenting
Impugning The Tooth Fairy, for Shame!!!!

My relationship with the Tooth Fairy has been a long one, since I started having children when I was twenty and I still have an eleven-year-old at home. My daughter, who is 23, still has, the pink corduroy hand made sewing kit, with a maroon heart embroidered on the front, that she got from the Tooth Fairy when she lost her first tooth. The Tooth Fairy, at my domicile, has never been interested in mere coinage. There are letters left, pictures, books, magic stones, and strangely deeply wished for items that have been exchanged for the teeth of my children. She really goes all out at our place, or at least she did. Sometimes, currency was used, and my children were left wondering about the identity of such a whimsical and unpredictable being. Since the Tooth Fairy and I share a common love of and profound delight in the wonders of the world, this was always a good thing.
At our house, there is also the dynamic of two radically different people who are married to each other and parenting together. You have me, the very spiritual, Jewish Mama, Lay Leader for her congregation, taker care of people (both those living in need and those who have died and preparing them for burial), loud, good food cookin’ and lovin’, friend of angels and fairies, wild woman AND the taciturn logical, paragon of sobriety (my husband). Throw in a Tooth Fairy and it gets complicated.
So, our youngest had started to question the existence of my friend. This, of course, prompted the conversation with me that the Tooth Fairy is fairly sensitive and tends to stop visiting once her existence is questioned. That statement was met with the comment that “I still believe in her, Mom.” But, mom could tell this wasn’t really true. Yet, there was just an edge of doubt in his voice, and perhaps of hope in my heart, that he really wasn’t quite sure. He hadn’t completely 100 percent moved into the daddy zone.
In case you haven’t figured this out yet, Daddy doesn’t believe in the Tooth Fairy.
Even though Daddy doesn’t believe in her, he occasionally has had to fill in for her over the years. Daddy has had to take on Tooth Fairy duty when Mommy fell asleep before she could be hosted. For me the Tooth Fairy and I dance together and exist simultaneously in the same body on those magical nights when a tooth has been placed under a pillow. So, it was one of those nights, recently. Mommy was asleep; Daddy was on call for Tooth Fairy duty. In the morning, Ethan comes into our room and informs me that the Tooth Fairy forgot to come by. Daddy responded to this announcement with a reminder that since we had just come through the pass near Bend, Oregon full of snow with lots of stops to put on and take off our chains, the day before, that perhaps the Tooth Fairy was delayed due to having to put “chains on her wings.” Mommy gave Daddy a gentle whack under the covers, but Ethan seemed to accept this explanation.
So, things were all set for the Tooth Fairy to visit the following night. Ethan was having trouble falling asleep and Mommy again nodded off before she could do her rounds. So, the task fell to Daddy again. In the morning, our son enters our bedroom groggy and befuddled. “Mom, I’m really confused, about the Tooth Fairy.” “Why, honey?” “Well, yesterday she forgot to come and this morning there is some money under my pillow but the tooth is still there, the Tooth Fairy doesn’t make sense.”
“Hmmm, that is strange. Well, perhaps her bag had a hole in it or something. Let’s try again tonight.” My son went to the bathroom and I turn to my hubby and say to him. “HELLO!!!! IT’S A TRANSACTION, MONEY FOR TOOTH!” Before we can continue our conversation, our son reappears and my beloved husband says. “Well, this is Humboldt County, perhaps our Tooth Fairy wasn’t flying on all-four cylinders last night.” At this point I get out of bed and forcefully, just shy of shouting say: “I can’t believe you would impugn the Tooth Fairy in that way!” My husband is cracking up and our son has a quizzical expression on his face. So, I start laughing too. Alas, the Tooth Fairy probably won’t ever visit our home again after this incident. Perhaps, I’ll get lucky and have grandchildren who lose their teeth while visiting, something I will be praying for from now until then.
The other important detail you need to know to understand this story is that unlike most of this county, we don’t partake of anything that could negatively impact our functionality as parents. We’re a pretty squeaky clean operation here, much to my wild woman frustration sometimes. I don’t ever want my parenting to be impaired. Even though we choose to fly/parent sober, sometimes we forget certain important details like remembering to take the tooth BEFORE you deposit the payload under the pillow.
We are also veterans of raising two children (now 21 and 23) who survived growing up in Humboldt County where being offered a joint whenever they were in town was a regular occurrence. We have prepared our youngest the same way we did the other two. We have armed our children with our stories, and experiences from the past. If I start talking about the past now, this will turn into a huge tome. Suffice it to say, that I stopped doing drugs, even though I never did that much, when I was 18. I realized then that I didn’t need the drugs to feel the way the drugs made me feel. I walk around all the time feeling in awe, very sensitized and in love with everyone without help from any outside substances.
Our older children navigated the local territory pretty well. We trust our youngest, despite this recent Tooth Fairy impugning incident, will also make the right choices for himself. We will be there for him, despite or because of the fact that we live in this idyllic county. We will be fully present to facilitate the next few intense years of our son’s life as he journeys into puberty and beyond. He will probably be navigating them minus a belief in whimsical childhood things, much to my dismay. He can’t really get away too easily from the Giant Whimsical Thing he lives with though………………me!
Nicole (a.k.a. Mommy or Giant Whimsical Thing) lives in Bayside and channels the Tooth Fairy on occasion. She hopes your experiences with wonder never cease, regardless of your relationship with the Tooth Fairy, who visits Humboldt County, unimpaired in her full glory wherever she is invited. Just so you know, Fairies don’t need any kind of drugs; they’re like Mommy, already in an altered state, high on the nectar of the dew and the rays of sunshine or raindrops and the magic of the planet.
~ Original article from Just Being Frank Opinion Column for the Arcata Eye ©Nicole Barchilon Frank on June 2, 2008
Once Upon a Time in a Faerie Palace….

Recently, I spent several hours on the banks of the Salmon River building faerie palaces with small children. This was not a planned event; usually wonderment unfolding is an unplanned event. It’s a “be present in the moment” kind of experience. I’ve lived in this area for over 20 years but this was my first visit to the river near Somes Bar, which is a sad-admission moment.
I was there to celebrate a good friend turning 40. He and his family reserved a group campsite for several days and folks came and camped with them or just came for the day. My wonderment unfolding companions were four little girls, ages 3-7 and one little boy, perhaps six, and the faeries themselves, of course. It was a magical day for me. It was also quite a lot of work.
I generally am drawn to little folks and invisible beings, it’s just the way I am, so instead of hanging out with my husband or the wonderful adults there I spent the majority of my time in the river with lovely demanding children. One little girl, an old buddy, was happy to see me. She wanted me to sleep in her tent with her parents, brother and dog and she was sure they wouldn’t mind. We have a long faerie history together. She is a lover of all things faerie or fey and I regularly send her little offerings, from that realm. A few years ago I sent her one of my favorite books, A Fairy Went a-Marketing by Rose Fyleman and illustrated by Jamichael Henterly. If you don’t own this book, go get it right now, I’m serious. Northtown Books always carries it. It is an extraordinarily important book.
Back to the land of Once Upon A Time…. Two faerie lovers decided to begin working with wet river sand, stones, sticks, leaves and water in order to construct a special magical place. Pretty soon, other little ones wanted to help. The little girl I was initially helping didn’t want younger helpers, only me. So, I began to split my time between several small children creating an avenue or village of faerie structures. Each young person was wishing for assistance with their constructions and didn’t want to share palaces or constructions. Each of them had their own ideas. At one point, the conversation came around to a discussion about skills. One of the older children had more ability to make things and this led to a slight shunning or dissing of the younger ones’ skill set. This kind of attitude is not conducive to faerie enterprises.
I pointed out that every person has special skills and talents that they can offer to this project and to life. I asked them to think about and share one of their own special skill or talents. I asked them to guess what my special talent was. They were only puzzled for a moment and since we were about an hour and half into things at this point, their responses were: “helping people” or “faerie” stuff. I felt seen by my companions; a magical moment of the best sort. I responded to their answers with: “My special talent is kindness, it is something I have to work hard at all the time” And then we resumed construction.
One of the younger girls said that she had never built anything before and didn’t know how to build a sand-castle or a faerie palace or anything. Whether this was true or not, wasn’t relevant, it’s how she felt. She was so eager and so sad at the same time. A part of her afraid that there was something wrong or missing about her. She was a tiny fey kind of thing. She really looked like she belonged in the land of faerie, so palace building seemed like a perfect pairing. She could have been a faerie for all I know, faeries are tricky and love to fool folks. We dug into the wet sand together. I brought her rocks and sticks. She found leaves and began to build her first faerie home. Her fear vanished, almost immediately, in the act of doing. She found her niche. That was a spectacular moment!
The one boy felt very left out throughout much of the process. He told me so and repeated his feelings several times. The girl energy was pretty fierce and the ratio was off. This boy was not squirting water guns or splashing in the water, he was wanting to help build faerie palaces. He was particularly drawn to the beautiful young girl who was closest to his age. The girl he wanted to work with is very delicate and is someone growing into her generous self, but she wasn’t quite there yet. She was insistent that her structure was the best and that it was secret and not part of the greater avenue of villages. She had zero interest in sharing me or her construction with the young boy or any of the other younger girls.
Young and unjaded, these children expressed themselves fully and shamelessly. Luckily, I am fairly or faerily adept at handling complex emotions and interactions and definitely familiar with dynamics like this. Besides faerie construction, my time on the river bank involved many teaching moments. Making sure that each child got some of my focused singular attention and some of waiting for me to be available was just one. They were given encouragement to work together, to trust their own sense of what should be done or just to be patient. The faerie fort that the young man built was ameliorated by the young builder who “didn’t know” how to build anything. She arranged the rocks I brought her in a large circle of stones around his fort. This was something he wanted help with. He was very into having help and sharing his construction and finally felt happy.
And, of course, the dogs and the humans all invariably knocked parts of everyone’s structures down. The movement of the water and flow of traffic all contributed to the inevitable collapses and structural shifting. So, I told them: “You know whenever something breaks or shifts in your faerie dwellings it is because the faeries themselves liked that particular part so much they took it to the Land of Faerie.” This was a new concept to them. Parallel universes are always a good idea to share with children and they are core to who I am.
In the Land of Judaism, where I mostly reside, we have this structure of parallel realms. The Holy Temple on earth is a mirror image of the Holy Temple in the Heavenly Realms. Its construction, desecration, destruction and re-dedication all happen in two places. This idea is central to my life. Everything I do in this realm has ramifications in another realm. My prayers, which bridge the two worlds, have unseen and unknowable effects, but for me they are the Holy Temple walls I am rebuilding. I need the world to be a reflection of Holiness and I have to construct that. It’s not up to anyone else to do my part of the job. I have a unique set of building skills that I bring to the project. Everyone does, when we engage with clarity and intention, wholeness unfolds.
Whether I am involved with children, my husband, my friends, a clerk at the store, or my cats, all of my interactions are opportunities to craft something precious, fine and Holy. I had such great teachers and builders with me on the Salmon River Bank Faerie Row Construction Project.
When I’m awake, I see that I am surrounded by extraordinary companions. I am deeply conscious of how truly blessed I am as I endeavor to mend and build a structure for healing here and now wherever I encounter brokenness.
Nicole sends her faerie blessings to you from her cozy home, where she regularly endeavors to share and create the beauty, kindness and goodness she sees everywhere, and which are gifts from the Realm of the Holy and the Fey.
~ Just Being Frank column published in the Arcata Eye on Wednesday, August 22, 2012 © Nicole Barchilon Frank